Hilarious Resolutions for the Back Half of 2013


I will not tell the same story at every get together.
I will not bore my boss by with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some more excuses.
I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.
I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I’m not a clock watcher.
I will read the manual… just as soon as I can find it.
I will not ring the stewards button on airplanes just to get her phone number.
I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.
Remember to brush teeth with bristly end of toothbrush.
I will keep an extra safe distance when driving behind police cars.
I will always replace the gas nozzle before driving away from the pump.
Read fewer books. A little learning is a dangerous thing. Too much of it can really wreck your head.