I Am A Man, And Rachel Maddow Is My Crush

Thought Catalog

There’s a few reliable ways for me to get excited. One is Googling something that really turns me on, like women in bikinis, or cupcakes filled with peanut butter. Another is thinking back on some of mythrilling personal memories, like the first time I slept with a woman, or the day I learned how to strap sunglasses to my kitty cat. But when I’m feeling the most lonely, the most in need of scintillating female companionship, I always turn to the same thing. When I want to get a little naughty, I turn to the naughtiest place of all: MSNBC, weeknights at 9pm. That’s where I find The Rachel Maddow Show, where I can watch the girl of my dreams deliver the news and make me swoon. Then, probably, have a cupcake.

Now I know what you’re thinking: Rachel Maddow is a lesbian and I am a jackass. Both…

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